


Purpose, Promise, Pain

by nothingonlyme



Category: One Piece
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Psychological Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-07
Updated: 2015-10-08
Packaged: 2018-04-25 07:59:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4952599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nothingonlyme/pseuds/nothingonlyme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The war of the highest may not have ended with the Navy's victory, but the wounds they inflicted were still severe. Now Ace and Luffy are out of danger, they still need to work through the pain and uncertainty surrounding death, life, and their family.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is a piece written to explore how things would have changed if Ace had been able to keep his promise to Luffy. It's probably gonna end up being pretty long but I don't know how often I'll be updating it as I don't really have a plan for the story so far...
> 
> Anyway, this is my first fic so please leave me a comment saying how you liked it! Thanks

Small changes can impact people’s lives in large ways. This much Edward Newgate knew. He also knew that there wasn’t much time left for him to act. Ace was too close to freedom for the Navy to claim his life now, and Whitebeard wasn’t going to let his son suffer now that Luffy had finally broken him free. Standing up again and ignoring the cries of his battered body, he ran toward the admiral bearing down on the duo.

Akainu was no fool, he had seized the opportunity as soon as Whitebeard fell and was on his way to carry out the Navy’s goal. They were not going to suffer the humiliation of letting a death row convict get away on the day of their execution - Yonko be damned. However just as he was about to shout to the youth, to taunt him into turning and fighting a losing battle, he felt his hair stand up. A lifetime of battle had helped sharpen his already finely tuned senses and at that moment they were all screaming at Sakazuki to run.

Looking over his shoulder, the admiral couldn’t help but curse. He had seen Whitebeard go down, watched him cough up blood. He knew that the old monster wouldn’t be able to stop him this time, and yet like clockwork he had gotten up again. How did the old man dredge up this much stamina when even he, Borsalino, and Kuzan were struggling? Evidently even old age and illness were not enough to keep the strongest man in the world down.

“Akainu, you dog! Come fight me if you dare! I’m not so weak as to let you attack my sons so unashamedly.”

Following his words, Whitebeard’s bisento came slashing down. Sakazuki didn’t have time to dodge the blow completely so the heavy glaive still bit into his shoulder.

Swallowing the pain, he shouted back, “The strongest man in the world calls me a dog and yet has the gall to mount a sneak attack? Where is your pride, Whitebeard?”

“I will never merely look on when my sons are in danger. You should know that by now, Akainu.”

Quickly disengaging, Whitebeard swept his bisento toward the admiral’s now useless right arm, forcing him back.

“Ace my son, take Luffy and go! Don’t let these marine dogs make you believe they can rob me of my pride. I’ll always be proud as long as you all keep living and supporting me.”

With Ace finally on the move again, Whitebeard called for a full retreat, protecting his son’s withdrawal until the entire crew was on the Moby Dick and his allies had made it to safety. Then, he jumped on board and they set off with the marines in hot pursuit.

\---------------

Back out at sea, Luffy and Ace were laid out in the infirmary under the care of a few extremely experienced nurses. Neither talked much, but Luffy’s moans and sniffles meant that the brothers had little true silence in which to decompress and think about what had happened. Needless to say, the nurses were efficient in both their ministrations and their ability to keep patients obedient. Often Ace would try to sneak over to hold Luffy at night when his younger brother twisted and howled in the middle of his pain and nightmares. But every time he so much as thought to get up a nurse was there with a glass of water, a sleeping pill, and a glare that told him not to try it.

The nurses understood their patients’ need for emotional healing but for the time being Luffy’s situation was almost critical and Ace still had to recover from his treatment at Impel Down and before the execution at Marineford. Thus the both of them could only take the pills and the nightmares in stride and wait until they were well enough to get out of the infirmary and begin the arduous process of moving on from this trauma.  
Around a week later, the day came. Ace had gotten out of the infirmary a few days prior but he was back every day to check on Luffy and get his night’s sleeping pill. When he went in that morning, however, he was surprised to see his brother up and walking. Without even getting the time to process that realization the two were directed nicely but firmly that they were to ‘walk up out of our infirmary now so that your beds can go to others who need them.’ They were also informed that sleeping pills would be distributed to the crew mates who needed them and it was no longer necessary to bother the nurses for them.


	2. Recovery and the Long Road Ahead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neither brother wants to face their situation. They are both very good at stubbornly hiding and trying to avoid working through things. After all, it worked so brilliantly for them in the past, right? (/sarcasm)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick notice before you read the chapter: Due to the transmisogyny inherent in the Okama and their treatment as characters I've completely disregarded canon in that sense and for the entirety of my fics they will be referred to and treated as trans women because that's who they are.
> 
> Other than that, yeah this chapter is probably going to be one of the few where I actually try to describe the characters thoughts so in depth. From now on it's gonna have much more interaction, I swear :)

Luffy felt terrible. He’d gotten halfway around the Grand Line, gathered a wonderful crew, and genuinely felt as though he’d made progress on the path of the Pirate King. He was on top of the world, one of the highest ranking rookies at Sabaody, and yet in the course of one week he’d nearly lost everything. His crew was gone, shot to who knows where by Kuma. He’d flown all the way to Amazon Lily only to find out that Ace was dying. When he rushed to Impel Down to save his brother it nearly cost his life just to reach level six and find out that he was too late. Then at Marineford he was only able to watch as Ace came so close to death over and over and over again.

He felt like he had become the crybaby seven year old again, pulling his straw hat down over his eyes and promising to get stronger so that he’d never have to lose anyone again. It had been ten years, and he’d trained and battled and experienced so many things yet none of that seemed to matter. Walking up to the main deck of the Moby, Luffy could still see the blood and hear the explosions. He replayed every second of delay that he’d cost his brother. He saw the burden he’d been and even felt how close he’d come to dying and letting Ace die too. Still shrouded in bandages, he ducked his head and tried to hide the tears as he passed in front of Whitebeard’s chair and the crew around it. How could they ever forgive him for rushing into a war with so many things on the line and then relying on them to finish what he couldn’t?

Ace seemed to be doing a bit better, though. He walked around with at least part of the self-assurance Luffy had seen in him when they met at Alabasta. Walking up to the rest of the crew, Ace elbowed his way up to the front, dragging Luffy along with him. They stopped only feet away from Whitebeard, waiting for his greeting and permission to speak.

“Ace, are you and Luffy okay to be walking around?”

Marco spoke up even before the captain, and the worry in his voice only cemented Luffy’s desire to sink into the floor where at least he couldn’t hurt anyone else with his stupidity.

“We’ve been cleared, Marco. I mean, I’ve felt better but you know how stuffy it gets in there.”

Ace had strained his voice to sound as nonchalant as possible, but his brother couldn’t hide the pain from him. Luffy knew that when they finally got some time alone he’d have to apologize for everything.

Unlike his first mate, Whitebeard didn’t address Ace first, instead focusing on his crying brother; “Kid, you just survived in a place where by all rights you should have died. Ace made his choice to trust you when you rescued him. We all did. You turned a fight that you couldn’t have won into a chance for us to take back Ace.”

The crew nodded their agreement and Ace turned to him, his smile looking a lot less pasted on. They meant to encourage Luffy, but he couldn’t believe them. How was he the reason Ace was alive? If it had been up to him wouldn’t Ace have…?

\---------------  
Ace watched his brother’s face as the crew patted him on the back and provided what comfort they could. He did his best to keep a smile on, which was easier around his family and Luffy. His heart seemed to fall out of his chest when Luffy crouched down and disappeared. He knew about Luffy’s new abilities but it was way too soon to be using Gear Second when he was still so injured. Jumping up to the crow’s nest to scan the crowd he couldn’t find the signature straw hat anywhere.

“Damn it Luffy,” Ace swore under his breath, “It’s not your fault!”

He didn’t want to follow that thought to the logical conclusion but couldn’t help the memory of so many people fighting and dying just because of him. The worry he felt for them seemed only to multiply his own self-loathing. Why did they have to protect someone so useless?  
Stuck on that note, Ace scrubbed his eyes to make sure that he could see clearly. How was he supposed to find his brother if he was blinded by tears? It was stupid, but this latest stress broke through the fragile wall he’d built around all of those bad feelings. With the mental block gone, all of his anxiety and self-hate came back to the forefront.

Giving up on finding Luffy for the time being, Ace made his own escape. He only stopped running after slamming the door to his room behind him. Then slumping to the floor, he struggled to breathe. His heart was racing and it felt like his head would explode.

\---------------  
After it got dark and the ship settled down a bit from the celebration earlier, Marco knocked on Ace’s door. Pulling it open when he didn’t hear a response, he found Ace curled up on the floor. Carefully, Marco set the sleeping commander on the bed and sat next to him. He took it upon himself to watch Ace overnight even though every twitch and grimace tugged on his heart.  
\---------------  
On a lower deck, Thatch had taken Izou to do the same. The couple was not confident in their ability to find Ace’s younger brother but they were happily surprised when they found him in the storage room. From the boy’s positioning on the floor, they could tell that he’d tried his best to hide in the rafters before his guilt and exhaustion had overcome him. Looking carefully for any bruises, Izou pulled him off the floor gently and held the young captain in her arms.  
Walking slowly so they didn’t pull open his injuries, the duo took him back to the infirmary and gently deposited him where the nurses were able to keep a more careful watch.

***************  
Meanwhile, on an island in the new world:

Dragon pulled the covers up and changed the compress one more time before heading to his own room for the night and leaving Sabo to his dreams and Koala’s care. In the brief moment he was outside, he stared at the stars and hoped that Luffy and Ace didn’t have to go through the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well real life has every intention of getting in my way so it may be a week or so longer, but I'll try to make up for it with a double release. No guarantee though :/


End file.
